Wednesday, 17 May 2017

Learning to let go of...

Since I've started this blog, I have not written personal things here or even if I've, then I've done it only for the purpose of encouraging other people or to share my happiness or feelings towards some occasions like birthdays or special days. But since past few days, I've been feeling so low. In some of the moments I'm extremely happy; sometimes I'm extremely sad. I know very few people would care about this situation & some will laugh over that too. But it's truth I'm living with. I don't even know why I'm writing this in English! Because my English isn't that good. Once my one of the best friend said, "You intentionally talk in English, when you feel angry or sad." It's the thing maybe! This blog has kept me happy for very long time; so I think I can share some sad things also to this dear one. Because I need to let go of these things.

There are so many things to share; but sometimes I don't share with anybody; because by sharing it I don't want to make other people feel bad about me and I don't even want to spoil their moods. Still sometimes when I can't control, I tell to very dear ones nowadays. So many things didn't work out in past few months. So life has stuck I guess. I didn't get the Government Job; which I'm preparing since ages I guess; and that too in last phase; even after my selection I didn't get it because of some stupid rules. I'm losing friends. Some people leave old places & move to new ones; they cheat; they break promises; they break trust & I'm still there; hurt & wounded. I'm trying to improve my Gujarati & trying to write my novel, so I could publish someday soon I guess. But now I don't even want to think when it'll happen. Sometimes I also get confused which story I should write first! I am not compatible with my colleagues at current job; I'm good with my bosses and all; they're nice to me and so do I. But there's not anyone at work place with whom I can share things or share common likings. I try to laugh at their lame jokes, but I don't like it honestly. I don't like the things they like; I'm not interested in the things they discuss, still I'm trying to match up & it's not that I've not tried to maintain relationships with them or other friends who are not in touch. I've tried beyond my level with everyone. Some old friends don't want to be in touch I guess. Some people simply ignore; so I'm fed up now. So many things; so many... Some other things too that I can't discuss over here.

So I guess I've to let go of these things, because I've tried my level best, but they're not working. I was just talking to one of my friend yesterday and she said, "You should be standing by yourself at the end of the day!" And I thought yes she is right! That's the only thing which matters and how could I forget that! So I just replied her, "Because you can keep yourself happy; like no one else does." So true! Thanks Shruti.

So I'm trying to let go of some things & some people too. Learning to let go of friends who are not in touch with me anymore, I've tried very hard but it's the time to let go of. Learning to let go of some bad memories. Learning to not be so sentimental. Learning to let go of past... Still I'm writing some posts about bad memories & sad things but they're related to Bollywood & college memories and all. I'll share those posts soon when I'll able to complete them. I guess films; books; songs and some other artsy things can give me happiness like not any other thing can! So I'll be doing that much more. I'll be reading more books; will watch more films; will try to concentrate on my writing much more. I need a vacation too; I hope I'll go to some beachy place soon!

And yes; last but not the least, I want to thank some people for making me happy in past few months. Thanks Shruti & Rituraj, for always reading my blog posts & encouraging me for my writing and for tolerating my babble! Thanks Darshan & Akhil for reminding  me beautiful college time, I loved those moments when I met you both individually. Thanks Darshan for your kind words always about my writing. Thank you Rajanikant & Jatin. Thank you Kuntal. Thanks Bhumi. Thanks Kushan. Thank you Pankaj for your encouragement & for your beautiful messages, I can't even thank you enough that how you've helped me to write more & more things with hard work & lots of patience. Pankaj, you've taught me that we should write whatever we feel & your blog give me happiness too! And above all thank you Mrugesh for being in my life; truly soulmate you're. Cheers to life!

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