Sid - Dil Chahta Hai

Dear Sid,

I can not describe how much I love you. I can relate to you at so many stages of my life because I'm somewhat like you, there are few qualities in you that I've in myself. You do not know much about how to crack jokes & end up saying serious things, giving pieces of advice and taking care of people. 

I can relate to your unconventional thinking about love. Love where age doesn't matter. Love which you can not describe, but you know there's no any bondage, there's just freedom when you feel like you have broken all those walls around you and you know that love is an emotion where you can feel each season, flower, colour, fragrance, moonlight, waterfall, forest, song, rain, butterfly and what not! You explained love so simply to Deepa while watching the sunset that I thought I wish I would have sat beside you at that particular moment.

The most beautiful thing is you actually listen to other people in conversations and then you reply according to the situation- sometimes with maturity and sometimes with innocence.

I love the way you devote yourself to art like all other people were chatting and enjoying at a graduation party, but you sketched Shalini, whom you did not even know. You wanted to make a portrait of Tara, and you knew that it would be the best painting you've ever made. I love the way you take care of your friends. At Chapora Fort, Goa, you thought you might lose your friends because you knew their importance, you're the kind of person for whom friendship is one of the most important things. 

Sometimes I think about how your room would look-alike in Kasauli, what you would be doing there or how would you paint certain things. Maybe you're a mountain person like me, or maybe not. But one thing I'm sure about is that you would be such a famous artist by now, and I hope you're in a happy place with happy people around. I genuinely hope that you've found whatever your heart had desired in your younger days.

Lots of love,

S.

P. S. Please send me one of your painting and of course your recent photograph with a cute smile!

કંઇક આપ

હું જ સતત આપ્યા કરું?

ક્યારેક તુ પણ કંઇક આપ!

સફેદ કાગળ માટે કોઇ રંગ આપ!

વાતાવરણમાં સુવાસ પ્રસરે, ગુલાબ તો આપ!

હું તો સતત ઝંખ્યા કરું,

એક હૂંફાળી સ​વાર,

એક ઢળતી બપોર કે નમતી સાંજ,

ક્યારેક તો તુ કંઇક આપ...

Evening

It was a cold evening. The Sun has just set and the Moon was about to appear in the dusky sky. The boy seemed lost and unhappy. But he was walking on the right path. The branches of all trees were making a beautiful scene, almost like a painting. He stopped for a while and he found a stone, white. He touched it and it was having a smooth surface. He sat somewhere and listened to the sound of Peacock. He realised that the inner peace he was looking for, was easily available here. He wiped his tears and promised himself that he will be happy.

Someday

Someday, I'll write about what was on my mind when I saw you for the very first time. I'll write about how I felt in your arms. I'll write about each season, I'll write about every feeling I have lived with you. I'll write about the evening spent in the mountains. I'll write about the afternoon by a waterfall. I'll write about every tear which rolled down on my cheeks. Someday, I'll write about everything.

20-20

Twenty20 was introduced to create a fast-paced game for Cricket. But in general, this year was ironically slow-moving. Lots of people had many dreams and goals, but Covid pandemic ruined many things for many of them. This year wasn't bad for me, but I have had better I would say. I started a new beginning in my personal life, still struggling for professional life to become better. I'm still learning to control emotions, fears, shame, guilt and so much. I'm still learning how to achieve some ambitions. I'm still learning how to fulfil some of my dreams. I still have many things on my bucket list. 

This year, I've learned so much from life. I learned that some people will never value you and that's okay. In life, sometimes we do so much for people, sometimes they don't deserve that much from us and still, they don't credit us for it or sometimes they are not even thankful. But all we can do is just learn to move on. Some people will hurt you unintentionally and you'll never be able to forget it, but just you have to forgive them... This has happened to me with the people I thought were my friends, but they were just colleagues, nothing more. I wanted to tell them how I felt in those days, but I never did and now maybe I'll not. Probably I gave them much importance which wasn't required and I'm learning to move on. I learned that you can have many emotions, you feel many things on many days, but not everyone needs to know that. You can tell those things to your loved ones or good friends because those people will not judge you. I've struggled a lot this year regarding inequality at the workplace, which relations to hold on and which to let go of. It was hard for me to accept some loved ones and friends for how they are or how they behaved this year. I've struggled a lot to digest many of the things my family and friends told me. I've sacrificed many things for a few people and a better future but realised later it wasn't worth it. In short, it was just another year with letting go of many things. I was about to lose some of my friends, for some of the things they confessed, some of the things I confessed to them and some I knew from other people, all of these were major things. I just had to forgive and just had to move forward with a heavy heart because those friendships were important. I was just close to going in a nervous breakdown regarding Sushant's death, how I've controlled myself, only I know that because I never told anyone. Some of the things are just known by very few loved ones which I am not going to discuss here. 

Just realised that one decade is also ending. After posting one video of my photos each year, I realised that I've learned a lot and I've evolved as a person. I graduated, got myself a good job, started this blog, read many books and watched many films... Cheers to a better future, happiness, dreams and whatever you desire! Happy 2021!

Books I read in 2020

This year I've not been able to finish many books. Some of them I've left in between and never picked up again, some I still want to complete but couldn't because of many things. I am surprised that I was able to complete only six books. I've not added the magazines, short stories and books which I read for my competitive exams.

Find Me

André Aciman

Our Souls at Night

Kent Haruf

The Cat in the Hat

Dr. Seuss

Cobalt Blue

Sachin Kundalkar

Malela Jeev

Pannalal Patel

Raseedi Ticket

Amrita Pritam

Home

He imagined himself as a twelve-year-old boy for whom the world was divided into black and white only. Over the years he realised the grey part of the world when he stayed in that home. The home which was just a small part of the earth. They took care of that brick-walled house and nurtured it with feelings and love. A few months later that house turned into a home. 

He read numerous books there. He saw many movies. He knew the meaning of friendship. He passed his high school. He graduated. He got a job. He got married. The home remained the same. 

He could feel the warmth on every corner still after fifteen years. He still remembers the old neighbourhood, the days before street lights, the days before interior roads in surroundings. He can still feel the coldness of all those dark days when the future seemed impossible. 

He remembers the day when they entered the home and there was a clay pot decorated with the leaves of Asoka tree, coconut and what not. He still remembers his first shaving, old bicycle, starry nights of Summer at the terrace, the warmth of his favourite corner while reading novels in Winter, rainy evenings and snacks at the balcony, cloudy atmosphere while listening to the radio, all unfulfilled desires and so many sweet-sour moments. The sun will shine every day and he'll never forget all these memories.