Sunday, 12 September 2021

Life


Around three months ago, in June 2021, on some working day, I was very late for my office and I saw one aged lady indicating her hand for a lift sign and I stopped my vehicle. I asked her where she wanted to go. She told me that she was waiting for an auto-rickshaw for the past ten to fifteen minutes but nobody stopped. She wanted to go to the bank which was nearby my office, so I told her to sit behind me on my two-wheeler. She immediately started to give blessings to me, maybe because it was really hot that morning and she seemed very tired. In those five minutes drive, I got to know that she was going to the bank to get some money from her late husband's account. Her late husband had some kidney complications and they transferred one of her kidneys to him but they couldn't save him. She was surviving with one kidney for the past three years after her husband's death. She told me that their son was on some higher-level post somewhere and he didn't support it. She travelled from some small town in Saurashtra to get this money. She also explained some bank account complications which I didn't understand. I felt so bad, deep inside my heart. I was numb, I didn't understand what to say or what to do next. I was very late for the office but I asked if she needed further help I could go inside the bank with her but she denied and thanked me. She started crying and gave me blessings. My eyes were almost teary. I told her not to cry and said she was very strong and we drifted apart.

Since the past few months, I have had some professional and personal problems. I tried a lot but none of them got solved. I tried everything to forget those issues. I travelled, I made paintings, I read books, I watched movies, even I took a break from my work and I was on leave for few days. Meanwhile, I learnt many things. We share problems with some very personal people. But sometimes nobody can help us because the situation isn't in anyone's favour. This time I didn't share with anybody what I was feeling deep inside or what I was going through in that phase of life. Eventually, some very close people sensed and I told them. I couldn't solve any of the problems but they seemed a little less important. I got used to living with them. Now if I get hurt with someone I just stop talking to that person and wait for him or her to understand the situation because every time we explain them and they don't understand. I stopped telling people what their faults were and how those situations affected me. Because I know if they don't understand by themselves there is no need to mention those things. They might think I'm very fragile but very few of them know that I am very strong.

Years ago I failed few subjects in my engineering and I was going back to my home from college. I was very sad and I was sitting on the edge of the city bus' door because the whole bus was very much crowded. Maybe I was crying because one gentleman offered me some water. This gentleman or some other strangers who have helped me or sometimes I did some small favours like the incident mentioned earlier are in my heart even after this much time has passed.

Years after years we meet new people, but very few can impact our lives. Eventually, we lose friends or some people give us a tremendous bunch of memories and suddenly they leave this world or city or sometimes those relationships just die...

Whenever I go to new places, I find their daily life very interesting. I might not be able to adjust to their daily routine, but their life fascinates me. In the past few months, I visited places where there were mountains, waterfalls or forests. I got to know their hardship regarding day to day life. When I was in my teens I used to imagine someday I would live in mountains, because nature has always fascinated me. I still sometimes think about mountains whenever I feel sad. In the past few months whenever I was sad I used to visit nearby parks and other natural places. I used to document trees, clouds, peacocks, lakes, flowers, sunset and few other natural things and surroundings via pictures and videos. It made me calm, maybe eventually helped me to live with my problems by just accepting them.

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“When you least expect it, nature has cunning ways of finding our weakest spot.”
- André Aciman, Call Me By Your Name

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There's nothing wrong with you. There's a lot wrong with the world you live in.
- Chris Colfer

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