20-20

Twenty20 was introduced to create a fast-paced game for Cricket. But in general, this year was ironically slow-moving. Lots of people had many dreams and goals, but Covid pandemic ruined many things for many of them. This year wasn't bad for me, but I have had better I would say. I started a new beginning in my personal life, still struggling for professional life to become better. I'm still learning to control emotions, fears, shame, guilt and so much. I'm still learning how to achieve some ambitions. I'm still learning how to fulfil some of my dreams. I still have many things on my bucket list. 

This year, I've learned so much from life. I learned that some people will never value you and that's okay. In life, sometimes we do so much for people, sometimes they don't deserve that much from us and still, they don't credit us for it or sometimes they are not even thankful. But all we can do is just learn to move on. Some people will hurt you unintentionally and you'll never be able to forget it, but just you have to forgive them... This has happened to me with the people I thought were my friends, but they were just colleagues, nothing more. I wanted to tell them how I felt in those days, but I never did and now maybe I'll not. Probably I gave them much importance which wasn't required and I'm learning to move on. I learned that you can have many emotions, you feel many things on many days, but not everyone needs to know that. You can tell those things to your loved ones or good friends because those people will not judge you. I've struggled a lot this year regarding inequality at the workplace, which relations to hold on and which to let go of. It was hard for me to accept some loved ones and friends for how they are or how they behaved this year. I've struggled a lot to digest many of the things my family and friends told me. I've sacrificed many things for a few people and a better future but realised later it wasn't worth it. In short, it was just another year with letting go of many things. I was about to lose some of my friends, for some of the things they confessed, some of the things I confessed to them and some I knew from other people, all of these were major things. I just had to forgive and just had to move forward with a heavy heart because those friendships were important. I was just close to going in a nervous breakdown regarding Sushant's death, how I've controlled myself, only I know that because I never told anyone. Some of the things are just known by very few loved ones which I am not going to discuss here. 

Just realised that one decade is also ending. After posting one video of my photos each year, I realised that I've learned a lot and I've evolved as a person. I graduated, got myself a good job, started this blog, read many books and watched many films... Cheers to a better future, happiness, dreams and whatever you desire! Happy 2021!

Books I read in 2020

This year I've not been able to finish many books. Some of them I've left in between and never picked up again, some I still want to complete but couldn't because of many things. I am surprised that I was able to complete only six books. I've not added the magazines, short stories and books which I read for my competitive exams.

Find Me

André Aciman

Our Souls at Night

Kent Haruf

The Cat in the Hat

Dr. Seuss

Cobalt Blue

Sachin Kundalkar

Malela Jeev

Pannalal Patel

Raseedi Ticket

Amrita Pritam

Home

He imagined himself as a twelve-year-old boy for whom the world was divided into black and white only. Over the years he realised the grey part of the world when he stayed in that home. The home which was just a small part of the earth. They took care of that brick-walled house and nurtured it with feelings and love. A few months later that house turned into a home. 

He read numerous books there. He saw many movies. He knew the meaning of friendship. He passed his high school. He graduated. He got a job. He got married. The home remained the same. 

He could feel the warmth on every corner still after fifteen years. He still remembers the old neighbourhood, the days before street lights, the days before interior roads in surroundings. He can still feel the coldness of all those dark days when the future seemed impossible. 

He remembers the day when they entered the home and there was a clay pot decorated with the leaves of Asoka tree, coconut and what not. He still remembers his first shaving, old bicycle, starry nights of Summer at the terrace, the warmth of his favourite corner while reading novels in Winter, rainy evenings and snacks at the balcony, cloudy atmosphere while listening to the radio, all unfulfilled desires and so many sweet-sour moments. The sun will shine every day and he'll never forget all these memories.

Photograph

She opened the drawer and got the courage to open an envelope inside it. There was a beautiful photograph of hers at her young age with some boy. The boy was looking so happy with a broad smile on his face. She was just smiling. She looked closely and she found out that there was a rose in his pocket, which she never noticed until today. She tried to recall that moment which was years ago. She tried to imagine her favourite song playing in the background. He has told her that he wanted to talk about something important. She replied that at first, she will tell what was on her mind and she told him that she couldn't continue it anymore. He didn't ask the reason. They hugged. Now, she tried to imagine how her life would have turned into if she would have let him confess whatever he wanted to talk about and a tear rolled down on her cheek.

Dream

On that quiet afternoon by the lake, when we were holding hands, you were talking about how in the past few years some decisions made you regret, how some moments made you laugh like anything and how some things will never change, you suddenly wiped the chocolate piece from my lips with the paper napkin you had in your jeans pocket, at that time, did you have feelings for me or was it just a dream?

On that windy evening, when one could easily sense cold weather, why did you take me for a walk on that hill? You told me you wanted to talk about something but you simply said nothing. I waited and waited for a long time, then I plucked the flower and immediately your face just brightened up even at the sunset, should I count it as a reality or just a dream?

On that cold morning, when I was caressing your beard, you just smiled in your sleep, were you seeing some dream? 

The other side

When we go to school or college, we think life is complicated because we aren't getting desired attention or our needs aren't being satisfied or say we can't get sufficient marks in several subjects. Then we enter in real life and we realise that life is way more complicated than those things. We don't get a deserved salary or our love life is doomed. But eventually, we live each day and somehow we survive. The other side of the story is some people don't survive such kind of situations and that's sad.

Even if we fail as a student or lover or parent, that's okay. The important thing is we shouldn't fail ourselves as humans. It's not easy to survive in depression. But we've to try, each and every day. But what if nothing gets better and everything becomes darker?

It hurts when you expect something to happen and it doesn't. It hurts more when your loved ones and friends fail to understand what you're going through. It hurts when you invest all your energy and time into one person and that particular person doesn't love you back. It hurts when you tell them about your dreams several times, but for them, their society's rules are more important. That's when you lose faith in your loved ones. 

You dream for some kind of life, but in this cruel world, you end up being hanged by yourself or eating sleeping pills or whatsoever. And that's sad, very sad. It's not about you ended up your life, it is about this world has failed to understand your point of view. To take your own life isn't an option, but maybe for some people, it's better than to live a whole life as a lie.

25 movies that changed my life

25 movies that changed my life :

(not in any particular order)

Ijaazat (1987)

Before Sunrise (1995)

Lootera (2013)

Dil Chahta Hai (2001)

Water (2005)

Lost in Translation (2003)

Umrao Jaan (1981)

Pather Panchali (1955)

Cinema Paradiso (1988)

The Breakfast Club (1985)

The Pianist (2002)

Unishe April (1994)

Blue Valentine (2010)

Up (2009)

Masoom (1983)

Three Colours : Red (1994)

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Into the Wild (2007)

In the Mood for Love (2000)

Saawariya (2007)

Piku (2015)

Days of Heaven (1978)

Bicycle Thieves (1948)

Highway (2014)

Mausam (2011)