શાળાનું મકાન

આ રસ્તો હજુ એ જ છે, જે પંદર વર્ષ પહેલાં હતો. અહીંથી એ તૂટેલી બારી દેખાય છે, જે વર્ષો પહેલાં પણ તૂટેલા કાચવાળી જ હતી. આ સાંજ ઘેરી વળી છે. આ સાંજ વર્ષો પહેલાં તો આટલી ઉદાસ નહોતી લાગતી. કેટલાંય વર્ષો ચાલ્યા ગયા છે, કેટલીય વ્યક્તિઓ ચાલી ગઇ છે. પણ, આ જગ્યા હજુ એમ જ છે. આ મેદાન, આ શાળાનું મકાન ઘણી વખત યાદ આવી જાય છે. દરેક વિદ્યાર્થીએ અહીં પોતાના સ્વપ્નો સેવ્યા હશે. વર્ષો વીતતાં જાય છે... જગ્યા એ જ છે. સમય જુદો છે... ઘણી વખત અહીંથી નીકળું છું અને અંદર જવાની ઈચ્છા થઇ આવે છે અને મારી જાતને રોકી લઉં છું... પ્રાર્થનાનો સમય, શાળાની ઘંટડી, વર્ગખંડો વચ્ચેની લૉબી, આ બધુ જ ફક્ત હવે યાદો છે. જિંદગી શાળામાં જોઈ હતી, તેનાં કરતાં કેટલી અલગ છે!! આ ભીના સંસ્મરણો અને ભીની આંખો, વીતેલો ભૂતકાળ,... જિંદગી કેટલી નિષ્ઠુર છે, જ્યાં ગયેલો સમય તો પાછો આવતો જ નથી, પણ ક્યારેક ગયેલી વ્યક્તિઓ પણ નહીં...

Everything I watched in 2022

Feature Films

Atrangi Re (2021) [7/10]

Hindi

Aanand L. Rai

Pushpa: The Rise (2021) [5/10]

Hindi (Dubbed)

Sukumar

Pyaar Kiya To Darna Kya (1998) [6/10]

Hindi

Sohail Khan

Gehraiyaan (2022) [8/10]

Hindi

Shakun Batra

Gangubai Kathiawadi (2022) [9/10]

Hindi

Sanjay Leela Bhansali

The Kashmir Files (2022) [8/10]

Hindi

Vivek Agnihotri

Badhaai Do (2022) [8/10]

Hindi

Harshavardhan Kulkarni

Cobalt Blue (2022) [5/10]

Hindi

Sachin Kundalkar

Jersey (2022) [9/10]

Hindi

Gowtam Tinnanuri

Bhool Bhulaiyaa 2 (2022) [6/10]

Hindi

Anees Bazmee

Fresh (2022) [8/10]

English

Mimi Cave

Janhit Mein Jaari (2022) [6/10]

Hindi

Jai Basantu Singh

Jugjugg Jeeyo (2022) [4/10]

Hindi

Raj Mehta

Darlings (2022) [9/10]

Hindi

Jasmeet K. Reen

Yaadein (2001) [5/10]

Hindi

Subhash Ghai

Brahmāstra: Part One - Shiva (2022) [6/10]

Hindi

Ayan Mukerji

Ek Villain Returns (2022) [5/10]

Hindi

Mohit Suri

Anek (2022) [8/10]

Hindi

Anubhav Sinha

Chup: Revenge of the Artist (2022) [8/10]

Hindi

R. Balki

Sita Ramam (2022) [10/10]

Telugu

Hanu Raghavapudi

The List (Short Film) (2022) [6/10]

Hindi

Gaurav Dave

Chhello Show (2022) [9/10]

Gujarati

Pan Nalin

Elevator to the Gallows (1958) [8/10]

French

Louis Malle

A Separation (2011) [9/10]

Persian

Asghar Farhadi

Drishyam 2 (2022) [8/10]

Hindi

Abhishek Pathak

Qala (2022) [9/10]

Hindi

Anvitaa Dutt

Bhediya 3D (2022) [5/10]

Hindi

Amar Kaushik

Web Series / TV Shows

Sex Education

English

Season 1 (9/10)

Season 2 (8/10)

Season 3 (9/10)

Yeh Kaali Kaali Aankhein

Hindi

Season 1 (8/10)

After Life

English

Season 3 (9/10) 

The Fame Game

Hindi

Season 1 (10/10)

Lock Upp

Hindi

Season 1 (Ep 1 to 4)

Heartstopper

English

Season 1 (8/10)

Modern Love Mumbai

Hindi

Season 1 (9/10)

Koffee with Karan

Season 7

UnCoupled

English

Season 1 (8/10)

Maid

English 

(8/10)

Masaba Masaba

English

Season 2 (9/10)

Fabulous Lives of Bollywood Wives

English 

Season 2 (5/10)

Mismatched

Hindi

Season 2 (9/10)

Hush Hush

Hindi

Season 1 (9/10)

Repeat viewing 

Soulmates (Zoom TV Mini Series 2018)

Hindi

(9/10)

Kashmir - a father's day film by TTT (short film)

Hindi

(8/10)

Mismatched (2020 Web Series)

Season 1

Hindi

(9/10)

Hum Saath-Saath Hain (1999)

Hindi

Sooraj Barjatya

(9/10)

Paheli (2005) 

Hindi

Amol Palekar

(8/10) 

Hum Aapke Hain Koun..! (1994) 

Hindi

Sooraj Barjatya

(8/10) 

Normal People

English

(9/10)

Pooranmashi (short film)

Meghna Gulzar

(8/10)

Chhoti Si Baat

Hindi

Basu Chatterjee

(8/10)

Koffee with Karan

Season 5 (Kangana & Saif)

Season 4 (Priyanka & Deepika)

Pink (2016)

Hindi

Aniruddha Roy Chowdhary

(9/10)

Taal (1999)

Hindi

Subhash Ghai

(9/10)

Kal Ho Naa Ho

Hindi

Nikhil Advani

(9/10)

Is Love Enough? Sir (2018)

Hindi, English, Marathi

Rohena Gera

(10/10)

P.S. :- Films indicated in Italic and Underline are the ones which I saw in theatre.

Life Lessons of 2022

This year was a bit tough for me, both personally and professionally. On a few of my worst days, I didn't wish to go to my workplace at all. On the other few worst days I was blank about everything. I was so scared about my future. But throughout that process, I learned so much. This year gave me a few new relationships, I lost a few relationships and found back a few also... It's been such a roller coaster I can't describe even. Most significantly I became the father of a daughter. The time I spent with my princess healed me from some of my problems. Despite that, I learned so much about life.

I spent so many evenings in parks. That taught me that nature has healing power. I learned that it's your journey. Even though parents, friends, and other people can understand and empathize with you, you've to be on your own... Because nobody can help you better than yourself. That's why it's ok to be alone and that's enough... I had so many days when I needed people to talk with, but so many of them told me they were busy or gave me simple lies. So I was my savior. I did my photoshoot many times with the help of a mobile stand and windows. I went on a solo trip. I always like to spend time with myself so it was relaxing for me. I watched many sunsets, they all were magical. 

I used to create content on Instagram to document my life moments and nature but I realized that you can't record all of those best moments, you just can feel them. So I started enjoying instead recording. If it happens, it does, now I don't wait for many minutes to record a few seconds of video. I spent time reading many books and sipping cold coffees. I realized that happiness is now. So started to wear all my new clothes, using the new products I saved for special occasions. Because life is happening now. Still, I have a lot more to write but can't process it right now. Thanking each one who helped me this year. 

Books I read in 2022

1. Bahut Door, Kitna Door Hota Hai

Hindi

Manav Kaul

(5/5)

2. Chalta-Phirta Pret

Hindi

Manav Kaul

(5/5)

3. Antima

Hindi

Manav Kaul

(5/5)

4. Gaanth Chhutyani Vela

Gujarati

Varsha Adalja

(4/5)

5. Normal People

English

Sally Rooney

(5/5)

6. How To Be A Writer

English

Ruskin Bond

(5/5)

7. Chhinnapatra

Gujarati

Suresh Joshi

(5/5)

8. Andhari Galima Safed Tapka

Gujarati

Himanshi Shelat

(5/5)

9. Sambandh To Aakash [Re-read]

Gujarati

Kaajal Oza Vaidya

(4/5)

10. Parineeta

Hindi (translation, originally in Bengali)

Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay

(translated by M I Rajasvi)

(4/5)

11. All Along You Were Blooming 

English

Morgan Harper Nichols 

(5/5)

12. Karta Ne Karm Se

Hindi

Manav Kaul

(5/5)

13. Bhagawan Shri Krishna ane 

Bhagawad Gita

Gujarati (translation)

Swami Vivekanand

(4/5)

14. Atarapi

Gujarati

Dhruv Bhatt

(4/5)

15. Shirt Ka Teesra Button

Hindi

Manav Kaul

(4/5)

16. Rooh

Hindi

Manav Kaul

(4/5)

17. Kagal ni Hodi [Re-read]

Gujarati

Kundanika Kapadia

(4/5)

18. Ek ane Ek [Re-read]

Gujarati

Chandrakant Bakshi

(4/5)

19. Samudrantike

Gujarati

Dhruv Bhatt

(4/5)

P. S. Few of the books I was reading in parts for personal growth, so I've not added the books which I couldn't finish. Magazines are not included. Books for study and job purpose are not included. 

ઉનાળુ વેકેશન

તુ આ રજાઓમાં મામાને ઘેર જઈ આવ ને,

કેમ હવે તુ જતો નથી, કેટલું યાદ કરે છે એ લોકો તને...

એ લોકો કહેતા'તાં કે રાત રોકાયે તો ઘણો સમય થયો, 

હવે તો ઉપરનાં રૂમમાં કૂલર પણ નંખાવ્યુ છે... જા ને જઇ આવ... 

કેમ જતો નથી? કેટલાં વોટ્સએપ મેસેજીસને વીડિયો કોલ પણ કર્યા... 

સંજુ તો હવે પારકો થઇ ગયો છે, બિલકુલ આવતો જ નથી રોકાવા માટે, 

મમ્મી, ત્યાં નાનીમા નથી, ભલે એમને ગયે હવે દસ વર્ષ થશે... 

પણ ત્યાં જઇને એક ખાલીપો ઘેરી વળે છે, ઊંડે ઊંડે ડૂમો ભરાઇ જાય છે... 

મારે પણ જવું છે ત્યાં... પણ વીસ વર્ષ પાછળ... 

એક રૂપિયાની ચાર પાણીપુરી અને બરફનો ગોળો ખાવા જવું છે, 

પેલો સાદો બે રૂપિયાનો નહીં, સ્પેશ્યલ હીંગળાચાચરનો બરફ ગોળો... 

ભરબપોરે બધા સૂતા હોય ને ત્યારે નજર ચૂકાવીને ઘરની બહાર જવું છે 

આમલીનાં કાતરા ખાવા છે... ચોખાનાં પાપડ અને ભૂંગળા ખાવા છે... 

અપર અને બાલ્કની હોય તેવા સિંગલ સ્ક્રીનમાં પિક્ચર જોવું છે...

એક રૂપિયામાં એક લોટો ભરીને છાશ આપવાની, એમ નાની કહેશે... 

હું ત્યાં બેસીશ નાનીને ઘેર, થોડાક પૈસા મને નાની આપશે 

બીજા પૈસા બચાવવા માટે પણ કહેશે... 

નાની મને માવો આપશે... દેવડા લાવી આપશે... 

સાંજે દૂધ આપીને ધીમે ધીમે ચાલીને આવતા નાનીની રાહ જોઈશ હું... 

એ દિવ્યા ભારતીનો ફોટો લાવશે... 

મોડી સાંજે લોકો છાણાં લેવા માટે આવશે... 

કેટલાક મને ગાંધીનગર વિશે પૂછશે... સંજુ તો કેટલો મોટો થઈ ગયો...

મારી ઊંચાઈ વિશે કહેશે, ગાલ પર હળવેથી ટપલી મારશે... 

રાતે બધા વાતો કરશે અને હું પેપ્સી ખાઈશ... 

મા, હવે હું ત્રીસનો થઈશ... પણ મારે ફરી દસના થવું છે...

મારે રિતિક રોશનનો કહો ના પ્યાર હૈ વાળો ડાન્સ કરવો છે... 

બપોરે બાજી પત્તા રમવા છે, સાંજે લખોટી રમવી છે... 

રાતે ખુલ્લા આકાશ નીચે સૂવું છે... 

મોમ હું એટલા માટે મામાને ઘેર જતો નથી કારણ કે... 

આ સમય હવે પાછો નહીં આવે... હું જઈશ નહીં કેમ કે 

હવે નાની ત્યાં નથી, માટે જ મામાનું ઘર દીવો બળે તેટલે નથી 

પણ ઘણું જ દૂર ચાલ્યું ગયું છે... 

- સંજય દેસાઇ

તુ તારું રૂપ ખુદ બિરદાવ

તુ તારું રૂપ ખુદ બિરદાવ, 

કોઈ તને સુંદર કહે, 

એ રાહ શું કામ જોવી?

તુ ખુદ પોતાને સુંદર કહે... 

અરીસામાં જોઈને ખુદ પોતાની સામે તુ મલકાઈ શકે, 

એ કોઈ જ ખોટી વાત નથી... 

તુ તારું રૂપ ખુદ બિરદાવ...

તુ તારો દુપટ્ટો કોઈક દિવસ તો હવામાં લહેરાવ, 

ક્યારેક અમસ્તો એમ જ લાલ ચાંદલો ચોંટાડ, 

માથામાં કોઈક ફૂલ કે વેણી લગાડ... 

ક્યારેક તો કોઈ જ કારણ વગર કંઈક કર...

ક્યારેક તુ તારું રૂપ ખુદ બિરદાવ... 

કોઈ વખાણ કરે એ તો સૌને ગમે,

પોતે ક્યારેક પોતાનાં વખાણ તો કર... 

લોકોને કહેવા દે જે કહેવું છે તારા વિશે... 

તારું અસ્તિત્વ તુ પોતે ઓળખે છે, 

બીજાને કહેવાની તારે ક્યાં જરૂર છે... 

તારે ફક્ત પાંખો નથી... 

પણ ઉડવા માટે ખુલ્લું આકાશ તો બધાને ભાગે સરખું છે... 

તુ તારું રૂપ ખુદ બિરદાવ... 

કોઈ શું તને સુંદર કહે... 

તુ ખુદ પોતાને સુંદર કહે... 

- સંજય દેસાઇ

Abundance of Life

We, most of us, judge each other too easily. You and I are not exceptional in that thing, okay, let it be, we all are allowed to have few human errors. But, what if, our judgement passed on somebody, affects their daily life? That should be stopped there and then. But very few people do that. They just keep judging or commenting, sometimes in the form of jokes, sometimes in the form of taunts, or anything related to such kinds of activities. They never think about how that's going to affect the other person's life. We, all of us, go through so much in our daily life, sometimes we express, sometimes we don't. We generally don't know what the other person is going through in their life. Our judgements and comments add their baggage. 

I've been waiting for so many dreams to be fulfilled for such a long time. But that doesn't mean I've to stop living my present and just keep focusing on that. I have to value my present as well. There are so many people around me, they always comment on my clothes, bags, accessories, etc. I don't know if they are jealous or what, because let's say I am not the perfect model type or my dressing sense is not one hundred per cent perfect, but I am more than average for sure. Sometimes I ignore, sometimes even if I apply positive chanting and everything I can't ignore, those people should understand that it's not just a joke, it's somebody's life they are commenting on. 

I've been dealing with so many issues, for the past few years, I've generally never told people or I don't discuss them anymore. I've been waiting for my happiness for so long, it appears that I am such a happy person from the outside, but it's not that easy. Sometimes I feel so alone at my workplace. I've few people there on whom I can rely, it's not that thing, I talk to them, I laugh with them, I eat with them, but I feel like I don't belong there, I don't feel it every day, but yes I do, on some of my worst days. As a person I am very helpful, since the past few months I am struggling so much in my own life, still, I've done a lot for so many people, but it's not that I am stating it and trying to prove myself as a bigger person. But my concern is when I need people, they make excuses or they just give me simple lies and I just can feel them. It's not easy when you know the truth and you just have to smile and move on, because you can't do anything about it. It's not easy when you have so much nonsense stuff going on in life, but you try to just smile every day, also you try to keep other people happy, that's very courageous and I am proud of myself that I'm doing it since so many years. I have been the odd one out whole my life. I have never felt bad regarding that, but sometimes it just tiring. I've been dealing with those emotions since my school life when students used to mock me because I had so much height even in primary school. I was good in academics, drawing, extra curriculum, everything, but that negativity stayed with me for many more years after that. People always judge other people who are a bit feminine or have soft voices, that too had happened to me so many times, because our society has made such boxes, where people like me don't fit in. I've tolerated so much abuse and humiliation, just because my parents have brought me up in a certain way that I couldn't just tackle them. I sometimes used to feel so fragile not physically but mentally. In the past few years since I've started to take a stand for myself, people who have been treating me badly have just broken their friendships with me or stopped talking or apologised for their behaviour. But those scars don't go easily which has affected my mental health. There would be so many people like me, and I know it's not easy, but just keep going, you'll survive. 

I could have written these paragraphs in my diary or someplace else, but I want people to know that because of your one stupid thing somebody's life could be changed forever. The videos I make on nature or film-related or the stuff I post about books and quotes, I don't do it for show off. I don't even do it for social media, I just want to document my life, Instagram has been an amazing medium for me to do it, where I can give tribute to my favourite songs with the help of my creativity. I post on WhatsApp because some of my friends don't use Instagram. I post it for my happiness and I'll not stop posting because of some random comments I've been hearing behind my back, if you have the guts to say it, do it on my face, and I'll give you a nice reply. 

In the past few months, there were so many moments where I just felt like quitting. But my parents have never taught me to give up. I've had such bad weeks, not just days, that I just felt like running away somewhere and starting my own new life. 

My father has been so kind to each and everyone I've known, he only losses his cool when he can't tolerate injustice, inequality and lies... I always wanted to become like him, people used to make fun of me that you are not like him, just because he has higher degrees than me, or he's having such a higher position in Government or he's very well behaved than me. But I am myself, and I am realising that I've become like him only, slowly but I am and I'll someday make him proud. My mother has just put me first before herself like every mother. Sometimes I argue with her so much because our thinking doesn't match. But when I look at her, while boiling water for our maid, to do utensils on Winter nights, it just makes me so happy from inside that yes there are few things in me which I've exactly like her. Sometimes small things matter a lot. 

I have been with my friends and relatives on their thick and thin. I've always remembered their birthdays, anniversaries and stuff. But in the past few months, some of them didn't even wish me for my biggest happiness. It didn't make me sad, it just made me silent. I stopped explaining things to people. I started treating people like they treated me. So as I said earlier some of them stopped talking to me. It's not been easy to have two small accidents, I had bad scars mentally and physically because of them. My friends went through a rough time and it affected me too. But then I realized when people are sad they sometimes share their problems but when they are happy they don't announce it. I've also done it. Maybe I am still doing it. I know I have still a long way to go, I've to take a few decisions that will change my life forever, but I will. 

Because as Robert Frost has said, 

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,   

But I have promises to keep,   

And miles to go before I sleep,   

And miles to go before I sleep."

Everything I watched in 2021

Feature Films

Life (2015)

8/10

English

Anton Corbijn

Is Love Enough? Sir (2018)

10/10

Hindi, English, Marathi

Rohena Gera

Rebecca (2020)

7/10

English, French

Ben Wheatly

Unpaused (2020)

9/10

Hindi, English

Raj & DK, Nitya Mehra, Nikkhil Advani, Tannishtha Chatterjee, Avinash Arun

The Lighthouse (2019)

8/10

English

Robert Eggers

Detective Byomkesh Bakshy! (2015)

9/10

Hindi, English, Bengali, Japanese

Dibakar Banerjee

Tribhanga - Tedhi Medhi Crazy (2021)

9/10

Hindi, English & Marathi

Renuka Shahane

The Land of Steady Habits (2018)

8/10

English

Nicole Holofcener

Uncle Frank (2020)

7/10

English

Alan Ball

Jaoon Kahan Bata Ae Dil (2019)

5/10

Hindi & English

Aadish Keluskar

Music Teacher (2019)

7/10

Hindi

Sarthak Dasgupta

Don Jon (2013)

7/10

English

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

The Last Color (2019)

8/10

Hindi

Vikas Khanna

The White Tiger (2021)

8/10

English & Hindi

Ramin Bahrani

The Girl on the Train (2021)

6/10

Hindi

Ribhu Dasgupta

Evening Shadows (2018)

7/10

Hindi

Sridhar Rangayan

Matthias & Maxime (2019)

7/10

French & English

Xavier Dolan

Pagglait (2021)

7/10

Hindi

Umesh Bist

The Intern (2015)

8/10

English

Nancy Meyers

My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)

7/10

English

P. J. Hogan

Ajeeb Daastaans (2021)

7/10

Hindi

Shashank Khaitan, Raj Mehta,

Neeraj Ghaywan & Kayoze Irani

Summer of 85 (2020)

6/10

French

François Ozon

Zindagi: in Short (2020)

6/10

Hindi, Gujarati & English

• Tahira Kashyap
• Punarvasu Naik
• Vijayeta Kumar
• Rakesh Sain
• Gautam Govind Sharma
• Smrutika Panigrahi
• Vinay Chhawal

Latter Days (2003)

5/10

English

C. Jay Cox

Sandeep Aur Pinky Faraar (2021)

9/10

Hindi

Dibakar Banerjee

Another Round (2020)

7/10

Danish

Thomas Vinterberg

Y Tu Mamá También (2001)

6/10

Spanish

Alfonso Cuarón

End of the Century (2019)

8/10

Spanish

Lucio Castro

A Summer's Tale (1996)

8/10

French

Éric Rohmer

Haseen Dillruba (2021)

7/10

Hindi

Vinil Mathew

Strangers (2007)

6/10

Hindi

Aanand L Rai

Chehre (2021)

6/10

Hindi

Rumy Jafry

Paris 05:59:Théo & Hugo (2016)

8/10

French

Olivier Ducastel & Jacques Martineau

Tom at the Farm (2013)

8/10

French

Xavier Dolan

Ankahi Kahaniya (2021)

9/10

Hindi

Abhishek Chaubey, Saket Chaudhary & 

Ashwiny Iyer Tiwari

Bunty aur Babli 2 (2021)

6/10

Hindi

Varun Sharma

Kaali Khuhi (2020)

7/10

Hindi

Terrie Samundra

Chhorii (2021)

9/10

Hindi

Vishal Furia

Chandigarh Kare Aashiqui (2021)

7/10

Hindi & Punjabi

Abhishek Kapoor

Sur: The Melody of Life (2002)

8/10

Hindi

Tanuja Chandra

Meenakshi Sundareshwar (2021)

7/10

Hindi

Vivek Soni

P. S. Films indicated in Italic and Underline are the ones which I saw in theatre. 

Web Series / TV Shows

I Know This Much Is True

The Married Woman

Season 1

Dev DD 

Season 2

Modern Love

Season 1 & 2

Bombay Begums

Season 1

Bandish Bandits

Season 1

Out of Love

Season 1 & 2

His Storyy

Season 1

What the Love! with Karan Johar

Season 1

Normal People

Season 1

Broken But Beautiful

Season 3

Fabulous Lives of Bollywood Wives

Season 1

Maharani

Season 1

Feels Like Ishq

Season 1

Bhaag Beanie Bhaag

Season 1

Little Things

Season 4

Bigg Boss OTT

Season 1

Fittrat

Season 1, Episodes 1 to 4

Adulting

Season 3

Decoupled

Season 1

Virgin River

Season 1 to 3

Emily in Paris

Season 2

Never Have I Ever

Season 2

Short film

Closure - A Film about Consent by Tinder

The Booth

Counterfeit Cunkoo

Summer Vacation

Six Strands

Rewatch

We Are Family

Dear Maya

Into the Wild

Love Aaj Kal (2020)

Fleabag

Season 1 & 2

Pushpavalli

Season 1 & 2

Matched short film 

Jab We Met 

Sisak (short film)

Loev

English Vinglish

A Suitable Boy

Khamakha (short film)

Queen

October

Hum Tum 

Raanjhanaa

Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu

Books I read in 2021

1. Aayno

Gujarati

Ashwini Bhatt

(4/5)

2. Saat Pagla Aakashman

Gujarati

Kundanika Kapadia

(5/5)

3. Home Body

English

Rupi Kaur

(4/5)

4. Theek Tumhare Peechhe

Hindi

Manav Kaul

(5/5)

5. Tatvamasi

Gujarati

Dhruv Bhatt

(4/5)

6. Prem Kabootar

Hindi

Manav Kaul

(4/5)

7: Amrita Imroz: A Love Story

English

Uma Trilok

(5/5)

8. Tumhare Baare Mein

Hindi

Manav Kaul

(5/5)

Re-read

Ek ane Ek

Gujarati

Chandrakant Bakshi

(4/5)

Lili Nasoma Pankhar

Gujarati

Chandrakant Bakshi

(4/5)

Hun, Konarak Shah

Gujarati

Chandrakant Bakshi

(4/5)

Ekaltana Kinara

Gujarati

Chandrakant Bakshi

(5/5)

P.S. I have just included the books which I picked up this year and finished reading. I couldn't complete few books so I've not added them.

હમ તુમ - એરપોર્ટ પર છૂટા પડીને ફરીથી મળવું

કુણાલ કોહલીની ફિલ્મ 'હમ તુમ' ખૂબ જ સુંદર રીતે નવ વર્ષના સમયગાળામાં બદલાતી લાગણીઓનું વર્ણન કરે છે. રિયા (રાની મુખર્જી) અને કરણ (સૈફ અલી ખાન) વર્ષો સુધી એકબીજાને મળે છે, છૂટા પડે છે અને ફરીથી મળે છે તે સમય દરમિયાન તેઓની જિંદગીમાં ઘણા પરિવર્તનો આવે છે. દુઃખ આવ્યા બાદ ફરીથી જિંદગીમાં આગળ વધવું એ પ્રક્રિયા રિયાની જિંદગીમાં બને છે. કરણ વર્ષો પછી પોતાના વિચારો અને જિંદગી વિશેના અભિગમમાં પરિપક્વ બને છે.

રિયા અને કરણ સૌપ્રથમ એરપોર્ટ પર મળે છે, જ્યારે તેઓ ન્યૂ યોર્ક જઈ રહ્યા હોય છે. તેઓ એમસ્ટરડમમાં સાથે ફરે છે અને ઝઘડીને છૂટા પડે છે. ન્યૂ યોર્કમાં તેઓ ફરીથી મળે છે અને રિયા પોતાની મિત્ર અને કરણની તે સમયની ગર્લફ્રેન્ડ શાલિની (શહેનાઝ ટ્રેઝરીવાલા) સાથે એમસ્ટરડમમાં થયેલ ઘટનાઓનું વર્ણન કરે છે. આથી રિયા અને કરણ ફરીથી અલગ થાય છે.

રિયા અને કરણ ત્રણ વર્ષ પછી દિલ્હીમાં મળે છે, રિયા સમીર (અભિષેક બચ્ચન) સાથે લગ્ન કરી રહી છે અને લગ્ન બાદ જ્યારે રિયા સમીર સાથે જાય છે ત્યારે ફરીથી તેઓ એરપોર્ટ પર છૂટા પડે છે.

તેઓ ત્રણ વર્ષ પછી ફરીથી પેરિસમાં મળે છે, ફક્ત એક જ વખત તેઓ ટ્રેનમાં મળે છે અને સમીર મૃત્યુ પામેલ છે તે વાતની કરણને જાણ હોતી નથી. ત્યારે ફિલ્મનો ઇન્ટરવલ આવે છે.

કરણ જયારે પેરિસથી પરત મુંબઈ જાય છે ત્યારે રિયા તેને મૂકવા માટે એરપોર્ટ પર જાય છે અને યાદ કરે છે કે તેઓ સૌપ્રથમ એરપોર્ટ પર મળ્યા હતા. વર્ષો પછી રિયા અને કરણની દોસ્તી તેમજ પ્રેમની લાગણીઓની શરૂઆત થાય છે પણ તેઓ ફરીથી પેરિસ એરપોર્ટ પર અલગ થાય છે.

રિયા જ્યારે મુંબઈ આવે છે ત્યારે મિહિર (જિમી શેરગિલ) તેને એરપોર્ટ પર લેવા જાય છે. મિહિરનાં લગ્નમાં રિયા અને કરણ ફરીથી અલગ પડે છે અને અલગ અલગ દિશામાં જાય છે. તેઓ એકબીજા સાથે રહેવા માંગે છે પરંતુ તેની પાછળ તેમનાં વિચારો અલગ છે.

ફિલ્મનાં અંતમાં તેઓ એકબીજા સાથે લાગણીઓનો એકરાર કરે છે અને તેઓ સાથે એક જ દિશામાં જાય છે. આખી ફિલ્મ દરમિયાન આ પ્રક્રિયા ખૂબ જ સુંદર રીતે વ્યક્ત થાય છે.

રિયા અને કરણ બંને કલાકાર છે. રિયા ફેશન ડિઝાઇનર તરીકે કરિયર બનાવે છે, જ્યારે કરણ કાર્ટૂનિસ્ટ અને લેખક તરીકે. બંનેનો ઉછેર તેઓની માતાએ કર્યો છે. કરણનાં માતા પિતા અંજુ (રતિ અગ્નિહોત્રી) અને અર્જુન (રિશિ કપૂર) અલગ રહે છે. આથી કરણનો ઉછેર તેની મા અંજુ કરે છે. જયારે રિયાનાં પિતા મૃત્યુ પામેલ છે આથી રિયાનો ઉછેર રિયાની મા પરમિન્દર (કિરણ ખેર) કરે છે.

ફિલ્મનું ટાઈટલ ટ્રેક ખૂબ જ સુંદર રીતે શૂટ થયું છે. રિયા અને કરણ અનુક્રમે વયોવૃદ્ધ દંપતી, બાળકની અપેક્ષા રાખતા પરિણીત દંપતી અને તેમની પ્રપોઝ ક્ષણ વખતનાં યુવા દંપતીને મળે છે. આ વિપરીત હોવું જોઈએ ને? દર વખતે હું આ વિશે ઘણું વિચારું છું. કદાચ કરણ અને રિયાની વાર્તા અલગ છે એટલે આ રીતે હોઈ શકે. વર્ષો પછી પણ આ ફિલ્મ મને એટલી જ ગમે છે અને વર્ષો પછી પણ ગમશે જ. હું ઈચ્છા રાખું કે રિયા અને કરણ તેમના બાળકો અને પાળેલ કૂતરા ટોમી સાથે ખુશ હશે!

Rani - Queen

Dear Rani, 

Maybe the best decision you took would be that you decided to go on your honeymoon all by yourself. You found the meaning of your life. I met the girl who was hesitant before dancing at her own Mehndi ceremony. Later I met a girl who wasn't shy at all before dancing in foreign countries with strangers. 

You came a long way from not being able to order food in Paris to even remembering the name of a waiter in Amsterdam, from not holding your luggage in a trolley properly to holding in a perfect backpack or being sad in the streets of Paris to finding complete freedom by running in the streets of Amsterdam. 

You had pain in your heart but you knew that you'll not be able to get such a chance to go to Paris again. You took that chance. You dared to do so. That's the most important thing. You met Vijaylaxmi, Taka, Tim, Oleksander and so many other people. They all were so different from you. But you knew how to mingle with them.

I know it would've been so difficult to be in that kind of a relationship with Vijay, where maybe there was love but there wasn't respect. And as they say, whatever happens, happens for good. You deserved someone so much better than Vijay and I hope you've found that someone special now. Even if not, it's ok, because you're sufficient enough for yourself as you have that maturity and courage to handle any situation without any partner. 

Lots of love,

S.

P. S. I hope you'll invite me someday to Delhi. I would love to eat your Golgappas. We can even go shopping at Lajpat Nagar.

Life

Around three months ago, in June 2021, on some working day, I was very late for my office and I saw one aged lady indicating her hand for a lift sign and I stopped my vehicle. I asked her where she wanted to go. She told me that she was waiting for an auto-rickshaw for the past ten to fifteen minutes but nobody stopped. She wanted to go to the bank which was nearby my office, so I told her to sit behind me on my two-wheeler. She immediately started to give blessings to me, maybe because it was really hot that morning and she seemed very tired. In those five minutes drive, I got to know that she was going to the bank to get some money from her late husband's account. Her late husband had some kidney complications and they transferred one of her kidneys to him but they couldn't save him. She was surviving with one kidney for the past three years after her husband's death. She told me that their son was on some higher-level post somewhere and he didn't support it. She travelled from some small town in Saurashtra to get this money. She also explained some bank account complications which I didn't understand. I felt so bad, deep inside my heart. I was numb, I didn't understand what to say or what to do next. I was very late for the office but I asked if she needed further help I could go inside the bank with her but she denied and thanked me. She started crying and gave me blessings. My eyes were almost teary. I told her not to cry and said she was very strong and we drifted apart.

Since the past few months, I have had some professional and personal problems. I tried a lot but none of them got solved. I tried everything to forget those issues. I travelled, I made paintings, I read books, I watched movies, even I took a break from my work and I was on leave for few days. Meanwhile, I learnt many things. We share problems with some very personal people. But sometimes nobody can help us because the situation isn't in anyone's favour. This time I didn't share with anybody what I was feeling deep inside or what I was going through in that phase of life. Eventually, some very close people sensed and I told them. I couldn't solve any of the problems but they seemed a little less important. I got used to living with them. Now if I get hurt with someone I just stop talking to that person and wait for him or her to understand the situation because every time we explain them and they don't understand. I stopped telling people what their faults were and how those situations affected me. Because I know if they don't understand by themselves there is no need to mention those things. They might think I'm very fragile but very few of them know that I am very strong.

Years ago I failed few subjects in my engineering and I was going back to my home from college. I was very sad and I was sitting on the edge of the city bus' door because the whole bus was very much crowded. Maybe I was crying because one gentleman offered me some water. This gentleman or some other strangers who have helped me or sometimes I did some small favours like the incident mentioned earlier are in my heart even after this much time has passed.

Years after years we meet new people, but very few can impact our lives. Eventually, we lose friends or some people give us a tremendous bunch of memories and suddenly they leave this world or city or sometimes those relationships just die...

Whenever I go to new places, I find their daily life very interesting. I might not be able to adjust to their daily routine, but their life fascinates me. In the past few months, I visited places where there were mountains, waterfalls or forests. I got to know their hardship regarding day to day life. When I was in my teens I used to imagine someday I would live in mountains, because nature has always fascinated me. I still sometimes think about mountains whenever I feel sad. In the past few months whenever I was sad I used to visit nearby parks and other natural places. I used to document trees, clouds, peacocks, lakes, flowers, sunset and few other natural things and surroundings via pictures and videos. It made me calm, maybe eventually helped me to live with my problems by just accepting them.

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“When you least expect it, nature has cunning ways of finding our weakest spot.”

- André Aciman, Call Me By Your Name

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There's nothing wrong with you. There's a lot wrong with the world you live in.

- Chris Colfer

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જિંદગી

શહેરથી થોડેક દૂર પુરાના કિલ્લાની પાસે ટેકરી પર ચડીને તે ઊભો રહ્યો. ટેકરીની પાછળ સૂરજ ડૂબવાની તૈયારીમાં હતો, થોડી વારમાં રાત ઝિલમિલાવાની હતી. બાવળનાં કાંટાઓની પેલે પાર પાણી વિનાની સૂકાયેલી નદી હતી. હવામાં વરસાદ પહેલાનો ઉકળાટ હતો. કિલ્લા પર બેઠેલો મોરલો વરસાદના આગમનની તૈયારીમાં હતો. આસપાસમાં કેટલાક લોકો બેઠા હતા. થોડે દૂર એક યુગલ પ્યારની મદહોશીમાં ચૂર હતું. એક આદમી સિગારેટ ફૂંકી રહ્યો હતો. વર્ષો પહેલાં આવી જ એક સાંજે તેણે પોતાનાં દોસ્તની સાથે સિગારેટનો પહેલો કશ ખેંચ્યો હતો, જ્યારે લાગતું હતું કે એ જિંદગી શું કામની જ્યાં સાથે બેસીને સિગારેટનાં બે-ત્રણ કશ ખેંચી શકાય એવો એક દોસ્ત ન હોય! અત્યારે એ દોસ્ત પાસે ન હતો, જિંદગીમાં અધૂરપ હતી અને શુષ્ક હવાની સાથે રહેલાં બાફમાં થોડીક ચોરેલી પળોની જેમ આ જિંદગી જીવાઈ રહી હતી...

Scene Explained - Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna - First encounter of Dev & Maya

Scene Explained:-

Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (2006)

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18th March 2002. It was the day when Dev & Maya met for the very first time. Maya was about to get married to Rishi. Dev and Maya had a small talk and both of them instantly felt connected. 

Maya was confused about whether she loved Rishi or not. She felt that sometimes friendship replaces love and then there remains no space for love. Maya knew Rishi since childhood, they were good friends. But Maya didn't love him, of course, she didn't know at that time. She eventually got married to Rishi.

Dev was married to Rhea. They both were settled in life but not happy together. It was the day when Dev also realised that probably his love for Rhea has changed. He didn't answer properly when Maya asked if he loved his wife. Because he was as confused as Maya.

Maya was trying to find love for years. But that love wasn't Rishi. She was sitting on that bench and thinking how her life would turn out in future. Dev advised her to find love even after marriage. He said, if she won't look for it, she won't find it. Probably Dev was also assuring himself about the same thing. He was also looking for love. That love was Maya.

They both didn't know the particular thing at that moment. But both of them felt something deep inside. As Rishi was putting sindoor in Maya's maang, at the same moment, Dev had an accident and blood was flowing from the wound to his face. Dev narrated the incident beautifully by saying that time can heal anything, but in few relationships, some wounds get deepen as time passes.

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Dev - Shah Rukh Khan

Maya - Rani Mukerji

Rishi - Abhishek Bachchan

Rhea - Preity Zinta

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Movie: Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (2006)

Written & Directed by: Karan Johar

Screenplay: Karan Johar, Shibani Bathija

Dialogues: Niranjan Iyengar

Cinematography: Anil Mehta

Aditi - Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani

Dear Aditi, 

Sometimes I think how much courage you would have needed to let Avi go because you knew he would probably never even realise that you loved him so much. It was you only who said you all were growing up and you all had to stop behaving like children when Bunny got admission to Chicago. 

You were not sure whether Bunny would come to your wedding but you gave your best by at least sending a video message, I could feel you were missing him so much and deep inside you needed your best friend. You were so happy when he was with you while you were getting ready on your wedding day. I still remember all those expressions you had while you were looking into the mirror.

You are among very few people who have changed for good. You were so upfront when Naina's mom asked about your studies, you told her without any hesitance that you do not like to study much. I couldn't have been friends with you in the first place because I am like a scholar Naina, but we would have gotten along on the Manali trip, because I know how to have fun exactly like you. 

You had everything a girl could ask for - beauty, confidence, wisdom & most importantly courage. You were so sure about Taran because you knew that spending time with him would make things alright. They say that people like us don't fit along with those boxes made by society, but we don't care even. We just need people with whom we can have a good time, with whom we can relax, can dance and talk about life. I hope Taran is one of them.

Lots of love,

S.

P. S. Although I am vegetarian, I would like to eat your ham & cheese sandwiches, so I hope someday you will invite me for that long conversation because I want to make things alright by spending some time with you.

Sid - Dil Chahta Hai

Dear Sid,

I can not describe how much I love you. I can relate to you at so many stages of my life because I'm somewhat like you, there are few qualities in you that I've in myself. You do not know much about how to crack jokes & end up saying serious things, giving pieces of advice and taking care of people. 

I can relate to your unconventional thinking about love. Love where age doesn't matter. Love which you can not describe, but you know there's no any bondage, there's just freedom when you feel like you have broken all those walls around you and you know that love is an emotion where you can feel each season, flower, colour, fragrance, moonlight, waterfall, forest, song, rain, butterfly and what not! You explained love so simply to Deepa while watching the sunset that I thought I wish I would have sat beside you at that particular moment.

The most beautiful thing is you actually listen to other people in conversations and then you reply according to the situation- sometimes with maturity and sometimes with innocence.

I love the way you devote yourself to art like all other people were chatting and enjoying at a graduation party, but you sketched Shalini, whom you did not even know. You wanted to make a portrait of Tara, and you knew that it would be the best painting you've ever made. I love the way you take care of your friends. At Chapora Fort, Goa, you thought you might lose your friends because you knew their importance, you're the kind of person for whom friendship is one of the most important things. 

Sometimes I think about how your room would look-alike in Kasauli, what you would be doing there or how would you paint certain things. Maybe you're a mountain person like me, or maybe not. But one thing I'm sure about is that you would be such a famous artist by now, and I hope you're in a happy place with happy people around. I genuinely hope that you've found whatever your heart had desired in your younger days.

Lots of love,

S.

P. S. Please send me one of your painting and of course your recent photograph with a cute smile!

કંઇક આપ

હું જ સતત આપ્યા કરું?

ક્યારેક તુ પણ કંઇક આપ!

સફેદ કાગળ માટે કોઇ રંગ આપ!

વાતાવરણમાં સુવાસ પ્રસરે, ગુલાબ તો આપ!

હું તો સતત ઝંખ્યા કરું,

એક હૂંફાળી સ​વાર,

એક ઢળતી બપોર કે નમતી સાંજ,

ક્યારેક તો તુ કંઇક આપ...

Evening

It was a cold evening. The Sun has just set and the Moon was about to appear in the dusky sky. The boy seemed lost and unhappy. But he was walking on the right path. The branches of all trees were making a beautiful scene, almost like a painting. He stopped for a while and he found a stone, white. He touched it and it was having a smooth surface. He sat somewhere and listened to the sound of Peacock. He realised that the inner peace he was looking for, was easily available here. He wiped his tears and promised himself that he will be happy.

Someday

Someday, I'll write about what was on my mind when I saw you for the very first time. I'll write about how I felt in your arms. I'll write about each season, I'll write about every feeling I have lived with you. I'll write about the evening spent in the mountains. I'll write about the afternoon by a waterfall. I'll write about every tear which rolled down on my cheeks. Someday, I'll write about everything.

20-20

Twenty20 was introduced to create a fast-paced game for Cricket. But in general, this year was ironically slow-moving. Lots of people had many dreams and goals, but Covid pandemic ruined many things for many of them. This year wasn't bad for me, but I have had better I would say. I started a new beginning in my personal life, still struggling for professional life to become better. I'm still learning to control emotions, fears, shame, guilt and so much. I'm still learning how to achieve some ambitions. I'm still learning how to fulfil some of my dreams. I still have many things on my bucket list. 

This year, I've learned so much from life. I learned that some people will never value you and that's okay. In life, sometimes we do so much for people, sometimes they don't deserve that much from us and still, they don't credit us for it or sometimes they are not even thankful. But all we can do is just learn to move on. Some people will hurt you unintentionally and you'll never be able to forget it, but just you have to forgive them... This has happened to me with the people I thought were my friends, but they were just colleagues, nothing more. I wanted to tell them how I felt in those days, but I never did and now maybe I'll not. Probably I gave them much importance which wasn't required and I'm learning to move on. I learned that you can have many emotions, you feel many things on many days, but not everyone needs to know that. You can tell those things to your loved ones or good friends because those people will not judge you. I've struggled a lot this year regarding inequality at the workplace, which relations to hold on and which to let go of. It was hard for me to accept some loved ones and friends for how they are or how they behaved this year. I've struggled a lot to digest many of the things my family and friends told me. I've sacrificed many things for a few people and a better future but realised later it wasn't worth it. In short, it was just another year with letting go of many things. I was about to lose some of my friends, for some of the things they confessed, some of the things I confessed to them and some I knew from other people, all of these were major things. I just had to forgive and just had to move forward with a heavy heart because those friendships were important. I was just close to going in a nervous breakdown regarding Sushant's death, how I've controlled myself, only I know that because I never told anyone. Some of the things are just known by very few loved ones which I am not going to discuss here. 

Just realised that one decade is also ending. After posting one video of my photos each year, I realised that I've learned a lot and I've evolved as a person. I graduated, got myself a good job, started this blog, read many books and watched many films... Cheers to a better future, happiness, dreams and whatever you desire! Happy 2021!